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Top 10 Dumbest People to Ever Enter a Courtroom

note-self-idiotOur parents always taught us to not to make fun of people…well today we make an exception, because these people are just idiots.  Let’s take a look at the top 10 dumbest people to ever enter a courtroom.

1. Note to self, “I’m an idiot”

This individual was on trial for shoplifting at Walmart.  He told his lawyer there was no evidence against him and he definitely did not steal anything.  The problem was, at the time he was arrested, he was not only caught in possession of the stolen goods, but those stolen goods happened to match a list (in his pocket at the time of the arrest) entitled “Shit to steal from Walmart.”

At least he planned ahead.

2. Will the real slim shady please stand up?

Please stand up...please stand up...

Please stand up…please stand up…

The victim was on the stand, and was asked if she could identify the person who attacked her. She was scanning the courtroom & seemed confused. The defendant’s lawyer smiled, realizing he was about to get his client off scott-free. It was then that he glanced over at his client….who had helpfully raised his hand to make it easier for the victim to identify him.

Even the judge face-palmed.

3. Maybe it was a pocket-dial? 

The following is a message left by a judge’s assistant for a lawyer: “Hi Attorney X, this is Janet from the judge’s chambers. Your client, who I see is charged with leaving harassing phone calls to his ex-girlfriend, left us 87 voicemails over the weekend. The Judge would like a word with you…”

4. Don’t try to pull that S#*T around here!

This guy hadn’t hired a lawyer and was unprepared for his trial, so in an effort to delay his court hearing, he intentionally crapped his pants. The judge didn’t care and proceeded with trial anyway. The defendant was convicted and sent to jail with soiled pants.

Talk about a crappy day!

5. ‘Natural Born Killer’

He doesn't look that bad...right?

He doesn’t look that bad…right?

It’s always a struggle to figure out what to wear when you’re summoned to court for a hearing.  Well this guy woke up and decided to wear a shirt that said “Natural Born Killer” to court. Apparently he didn’t think this would be a factor in his hearing…for an assault charge.

Needless to say he was convicted of assault.

6. Can’t argue with logic

This defendant was accused of robbing a bank.  He had a bail hearing and the judge explained to him that he could post $10,000 in cash to be released up until the date of the trial. When the judge asked him if he had $10,000 for bail, the defendant answered back, “judge, if I had $10,000, would I have needed to rob a bank?”

Easiest. Conviction. Ever.

7. Had he worn that shirt when they met, his girlfriend might have known…

A man shows up to his preliminary hearing for a domestic violence charge. He’s wearing a ratty t-shirt, but his lawyer doesn’t pay attention to it. The judge asks the attorney if he spoke with his client about his courtroom appearance. The lawyer looks down…..his client is wearing a t-shirt that says “I have the dick, so I make the rules.”

You have to hand it to him…the guy’s got balls.

8. Paaaasssss the dutchie… to the security guy

This next guy showed up to his court appearance, and like all people, had to go through a metal detector. He emptied his pockets and put all of his belongings onto the tray prior to sending it through the metal detector.  Only problem is, he had a bag of weed in his pocket that he placed on the tray with his other belongings. He was arrested for drug possession on the spot and had to miss his other court hearing…which was for a different drug possession charge.

I guess weed really does affect your short term memory.

9. Honesty is not always the best policy…

drunk guy

This client’s lawyer told him he had a good chance of getting out of his DUI. At the preliminary hearing, the district attorney played a video for the court that was recorded on the scene from the police car.  When the police officer went to give him the breathalyzer test, this client said, “I’m too drunk to use this damn thing.”

Case closed.

10. Maybe it was medicinal?

A defendant walks into a courtroom wearing a “smoke weed every day” t-shirt while attending his drug trafficking and possession trial.

Maybe it was medicinal? Or maybe it was Snoop Dogg.